GUYS…
There are 5 days till routes come out, five days until I know where I will be living/traveling/spreading the gospel for 9 months. FIVE days. I’m feeling excited but also a little regretful because I’ve been pushing these few months so hard hoping they would go by fast so I know where I’m going but now I just want time to stop. I am enjoying this time of practicing major patience because yeah it is hard but it is so so fruitful. This last week the lord really showed me his love and grace over and over without me even asking to reveal it.
That’s why I am writing this blog. To give god the praises he deserves and show that even if you aren’t being an obedient daughter or son and you aren’t putting in the work, Abba doesn’t give up on you, always putting the effort in your relationship even when you don’t deserve it.
Honest moment here, I have not really put any time in my relationship with God these last few weeks even reaching about a month now. I was just feeling so exhausted and worn out from trying to hear him speak to me, that when I wasn’t hearing anything, I just decided to focus my attention on other things like school and friends. I didn’t want to read my bible, nobody was pushing me and I certainly wasn’t pushing myself. I didn’t even realize how bad it was until 2 weeks ago when I just really had a bad week. When I struggling and upset I didn’t lean on Jesus like I should have and would usually do. I still didn’t change my attitude even though I knew I should. I just prayed and asked God to forgive me and get me out of this downward spiral of not leaning on him. Not actually putting in the time or reading my bible all I did was pray. Not that prayer is bad, I just knew I needed to do more and I wasn’t. So I was so undeserving of the blessings that came out of this week.
It started on Wednesday when I was at youth running slides during worship when I heard Jesus speaking to me. The lead singer of the youth band just happens to be one of my best friends, Gesena, and God was really speaking to me about her giving me some words of affirmation in a little bit of a different way. Gesena’s father passed away a few years back I never got to meet him but from the stories I have heard he seems like an amazing man. Well during the second song of the night I hear Gods voice telling me to go up to Gesena after worship and tell her that the reason God gave her such an amazing voice is so that people can hear her story and that her singing is going to lead lots of people to Jesus just by hearing her beautiful voice and testimony. So on the last song, she messed up a little bit and was upset so I walked to the back to tell her about what God had just told me to tell her. When I told her what I heard, tears filled her eyes and she told me she had a dream the other night of her singing on a big stage at a concert and her dad was there cheering her on. (she also happened to be wearing her dad’s shirt that day too!)
A day later on Thursday morning, I woke up put on some clothes and decided to wear my Teva’s. I went through my day just as usual but at the end of the day, I had to go say bye to another one of my best friends who is on the world race gap year right now. I go to her house, took off my shoes, and meet her upstairs. The first thing she says to me when I get to her house is ” the one thing I regret not getting for the race is a pair of tevas.” So at that moment, I knew what I was about to have to do. Honestly, I didnt want to give her my shoes because yeah I will say it I’m stubborn and kinda greedy when it comes to the things I own. The thing is I will gladly buy someone lunch or coffee or presents but when it comes to the things I buy, I don’t want to give it away. So if I was going to give her my shoes it was going to be god giving them to her through me. I said goodbye and she walked me out to my car, I prayed for her before I left and I sat down and God clearly spoke to me and said: “Corryn give her your shoes”. So I gave in and leaned down took the shoes off my feet and gave them to her. I know it might sound silly but seriously Jesus was so present in that moment.
On Saturday night I spent the night at one of my best friends Paige’s house. As soon as I arrived she showed me these new bible study books her mom got her that go through the old and new testament and I asked if she wanted to start going through it. She said sure so we opened it up, went through a few pages when we both got pretty stumped on an answer to one of the questions the book was asking. The question was asking something on the lines of this, “Why did God create the world; every animal and human and light and darkness. What was the point of creating it?” Neither of us really had a good answer on why he did from what we read, so I asked Paige to pray and ask God for the answer to the question. She had never asked God a question to receive an answer through prayer before so she seemed to be a little bit skeptical. We talked about what it was like and how she would potentially ask, and she gave it a shot. She started praying out loud and I was praying in my head and we both received an answer from the lord. I asked her what she saw or heard first and she said she just saw a big beautiful light resembling heaven. In my head I heard that the reason God took the time to create the world is so that his people could eventually receive the gift of eternal life in heaven, so God could be with his people. I quickly told her what I heard and both of our bodies were immediately filled with chills and we started crying in awe of the lord. It was so cool being there with Paige for the first time she experienced the Lord moving in that way. It’s in simple moments like this that if you just press into the lord and ask him questions that he will show up. He wants to be a part of your everyday life and we just keep pushing him away or we try to figure it out on our own. So it was a good reminder to put him first and open up when we have questions or thoughts.
The next day Paige and I woke up still in awe of the lord and the way he worked in us the night before. We got up and went to our favorite coffee shop so we could finish the chapter of bible study and the SAME THING HAPPENED. We didnt know the answer to the question so we prayed and asked God and he revealed the answer yet again. Praise Jesus. We went to church that afternoon with high hopes that Jesus would be working in us as he had been for the last few days. During the second song of worship, God put images of me with a backpack on in different places around the world. So I asked what the images were and I heard that he was still calling me to do the race and I need to get the doubts out of my head. I started crying so overwhelmed with how he was speaking to me. Then the service started and this week we happened to be talking about serving the nations and that if God is telling you to serve in missions listen to him. This is exactly what I needed to hear because for the last few weeks I have been really struggling with if I should be doing missions or world race or not. I was in tears the entire service because of his perfect timing and how easy it is for him to be present if you just focus on putting him first. God is so ready to work in you and it will be so much easier for him too if you just press into him and listen when he speaks to you.
So this is my reminder for myself and to anyone who is reading this, press into what God is telling you. Don’t be afraid to ask him questions if you don’t understand something. If he tells you to do something listen to him because it is so rewarding, even if you don’t see the results immediately. We definitely don’t deserve what the Lord does for us but its because he is so gracious and loves us so much that we get to form these amazing relationships with him. God is good!
P.S. I can’t wait to share with you where I will be going, so be ready for an update soon!!
